


Would you let me?

by Niki06381



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:54:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29661366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niki06381/pseuds/Niki06381
Summary: George's been dealing with doubts his entire life, and lately it became really hard. He doesn't want to give anything away but was never too good of an actor.Dream just wants to help, to be there for him.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 140





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Third story! (Look at me go :) )  
> With this one, I finally feel like it is starting to portray what I really want it to, so I truly hope you'll enjoy it. ^^
> 
> As always, English isn't my first language, so I apologize for all and any mistakes.
> 
> Oh, and I'm not diagnosed with anxiety, so I can't claim that I described the feelings correctly, but I did my best to show some thought processes and so on :)
> 
> Enjoy!

Why does it keep repeating itself? 

Why is it that no matter what happens, how good the last few days were, how hard he tried, he always ends up in the same place? Back in his miserable corner, questioning everything he thought he knew. It only took one comment, one little thing, for him to roll almost to the bottom again. After all, they didn't even mean it! ...right? 

Why does his stupid mind make him always feel so insecure? Why can't he just accept what he has, what is so important to him, as a given? Why does he continuously have to question every little thing, every word, every thought?

After all, he knows they like him! No one would spend that much time with someone they don't like, and yet… And yet, no matter how hard he tried to get that fact into his head, he couldn't believe it. No matter how many times Dream said those 3 words to him, no matter how many compliments he would get, all of his gathered confidence fled whenever something went wrong. It could have been something small, just one sentence, fuck it, a second of silence too long, and his brain was already figuring out the rest, filling in the story with the worst-case scenario he could only imagine. 

Why was this so difficult? 

He wanted, craved, needed so badly to get all his doubts out so someone could finally put them to rest, but he knew it wouldn't be possible. Because no one has the desire to reassure him over and over and over again and remind him that he is important to them. Sooner or later, it will become a nuisance. After all, how many times can one repeat the same thing without any results? 

George knew, realized, was aware that he was a difficult person, that it took a lot of energy to be friends with him. And he tried, he really tried, not to take things personally, to laugh even when every word was reconciling his wavering sense of self-worth. How many sleepless nights did he spend arguing with himself, trying to convince himself that he wasn't just a burden? He always told himself that he was giving some value to others, even if only through his coding, but then his deceptive thoughts began to whisper to him that this was the only reason anyone was still hanging around with him. 

He... really didn't deal well with his own emotions. He should have had them under control long ago, but nothing, no method was working. It was so unfair that his logical side, no matter how hard he tried, was incapable of influencing what he felt in any way. He had so many sensible arguments, he even wrote them out for himself on pieces of paper, made lists, tried to gather all the things that were objectively true into one place, and it still didn't change anything. 

No matter what, he was unable to believe that anyone would ever be able to like him. It was something so abstract to him, so ridiculous, that even when someone said it to his face, his mind just didn't register it. He always had a million excuses - someone just said it because they wanted to be kind, or - they feel sorry for him, or - they just said it to get some kind of reaction from him or from the fans. 

It wasn't even that he had any complexes, that he didn't know his own worth as a person. After all, he was aware of what he had to offer. He knew what he looked like, how much he could do, what his character traits were. Did that change anything when it came to establishing relationships? Nope. Not at all. 

He was just cursed to repeat the same scenario over and over again. 

Which was fine - it's not like he wasn't used to it. There are good days where he's almost, almost able to believe the things that are said to him over and over again, and then there are bad days during which everything is proof that no one cares about him. Which was fine, too. He didn't need to have someone to whom he was worth something. Did he crave affection and understanding? Perhaps. Had he come to a conclusion some time ago that it just wasn't meant for him? Yes. No doubts about it. Not everything was for everyone, and even if that hurt, it was a fact that could be lived with. 

It should be easy to guess which type of day today was. Except that this time it was worse than usual. Why? Because he let it show. It started with the usual banter, and at first, George even managed it. He laughed, gave no sign that anything was wrong, kept a carefully constructed mask on his face. But then his voice trembled, and as he tried to salvage the situation, to convince the others that I was only pretending, things began to go awry. 

Brick by brick, the wall that he had carefully constructed between what he portrayed on the outside and what he felt on the inside began to crumble. His laugh was too artificial, his answers too stiff, his posture too rigid. And before he knew what he was doing, frightened that he would draw the attention of others to himself, that he would force them to comfort him, he quickly disconnected from the conversation, closing his computer and locking his phone. Upon reflection, this may not have been the best solution at all. 

He hated those moments. When others noticed that he wasn't 100% okay. He didn't want to be a problem. He didn't want others to comfort him not because they wanted to, because they cared about him, but because they felt obligated to. He didn't want the rest of them to feel guilty for doing something wrong when the only problem here was himself. He didn't want to explain, to put his thoughts out, because then they would start treating him differently. He didn't want to force others to change their behavior, to change their dynamics just because sometimes those words yielded a little too close to what his own mind was telling him day in and day out. 

Sooner or later, he will have to face the consequences. He will have to find an explanation, an excuse as to why he has suddenly disconnected and is not answering his calls. Perhaps it would be wiser to face it right away, but what is he to say? 'Sorry, I never believed I was a part of the group, so every time you make fun of me, it sounds more like a confession than a joke?'

George sighed deeply. It was all so messed up... no, he was the one who was messing everything up, instead of functioning like a normal human being. At this point, he was already resigned. He had spent over an hour sitting in his chair at his computer, trying to collect his thoughts. Honestly, he could have expected something to go wrong. After all, he had noticed that the last week had not been the best for him. Maybe it was the phases of the moon, perhaps something else entirely, but it wasn't treating him gently. 

Sometimes he wondered if breaking off all of his friendships would be better. Since, in the end, no one cared about him anyway, at least in his own mind, why should he strenuously maintain any position in their lives? But... the very thought that he was going to lose all those long conversations, never to hear again the laughter of Dream which he himself had caused... Wasn't it pathetic that he clutched at those moments so desperately even when he felt like they were stolen? Like they didn't belong to him? 

He felt that he shouldn't think about it anymore, that he was just falling deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole and didn't know how to get out of it. He looked reluctantly at his phone lying on his desk. It currently resembled more an instrument of torture than anything else. 

What if he turned on his phone and got a million notifications from Dream and Sapnap? What if they called him trying to figure out what happened? 

Or... 

What if he spent an hour worrying about his reaction while no one cared? What if he got no message, no one minded that he hung up. Maybe they were glad they didn't have to talk to him? Maybe unlocking that device would just confirm all his worst thoughts? 

Does he have the strength to check it out today? After all, he knows that tomorrow won't be any easier. The lock screen seemed to stare menacingly at him. He took a deep breath and unlocked his phone, waiting for the notifications to start coming in. Not even a second passed until his phone started vibrating with messages about missed calls. 2...3 calls from Sapnap, 5 from Dream, a couple messages from both of them... That's good? He means it wasn't good because he didn't want them to worry about him. But at the same time, it meant that they were concerned about him after all, right? 

Why doesn't this make any sense?

Why, on the one hand, he doesn't want anyone to worry about him because in his mind, worrying about him was a hardship for other people and the first step to making them stop being friends with him. And on the other hand, he craved so much for someone to worry about him because it was proof that someone cared. Why couldn't anything be straightforward and understandable? 

The phone started buzzing in his hand. Dream was calling him for the 6th time... Should he answer? Clay would realize he had turned the phone on, but he could let the connection run out. He really wasn't in the right state of mind right now to explain himself, but on the other hand, he was only digging his grave more and more until he finally had to answer. Maybe if he got it over with, he could finally calm his running thoughts? 

"Hello?" He said cautiously into the receiver. 

"George, what's wrong? One minute we're playing Minecraft, everything is okay, and the next minute, you suddenly hang up and don't answer the phone. What was that about?" Dream asked with a distinct note of annoyance in his voice. "We were supposed to do something, remember?" 

Oh.

George didn't take into account that the rest of them might be angry with him. What stupidity. Of course, there was a 3rd option that he completely forgot about. Again, it turned out he was too focused on himself to remember anything else. He really is awful. He doesn't deserve to pity himself. 

Finally, he could feel himself calming down, getting numb. 

"Sorry." He said without any intonation. There was nothing more he could add. 

"Is that all you have to say?" Clay asked, the same annoyance still in his tone. It wasn't really surprising. He had a right to be irritated. 

"Yes." That answer seemed to shock Dream enough for him to change his demeanor.

"George." He said much more softly. "If something is going on, you can tell us about it.“

"No." He replied shortly. "I'm just irresponsible. Sorry about that. Won’t happen again." 

"Well... as long as you're sure about it." Said Dream uncertainly. 

"I am. I promise I will make it up to you somehow, okay? " He tried to sound a little more animated. "Sorry, Dream, but I have to end the call, I have something to do. Bye!" 

"Bye..." 

He ended the call and threw himself on his bed. He probably didn't sound too convincing, but Dream didn't  
pursue the subject. Maybe tomorrow he'd be able to apologize to the others and pretend nothing had ever happened. Maybe he would be able to even convince himself of that. 

\---

Today wasn't better, not really. But it wasn't worse either. He felt a little drained of emotion, tired of analyzing everything, but what else would you expect? In fact, maybe it was better after all. The day before seemed so distant as if it had taken place years ago. He remembered his train of thought, what he felt. Presently... presently he felt only an exhausted indifference. Perhaps he had overreacted to yesterday's... he didn't even know what to call it - panic? All in all, there was no doubt here, he had blown everything out of proportion. 

He wasn't sure what put him on such a borderline, he shouldn't have even tried to socialize when he felt so vulnerable. It only led to situations like this one. He really needs to apologize to Dream and Sapnap for his behavior. Especially Dream considering their phone conversation. He probably made him worry when there was no need for that. He should make the call himself, straighten things out.

He checked the time on his phone. Clay should be awake by now. He didn't even bother to mentally prepare for this call. He just clicked on the number to start the call. 

"George?" A voice from the receiver answered. Dream sounded so uncertain, like he was afraid to say anything more. 

"Hi. Just calling to apologize, a little more seriously than yesterday." 

"Yea, no, it's fine. I didn't mean to start the conversation in such a harsh way yesterday." Dream said. "Both me and Sapnap just didn't know what happened. We were worried, you didn't answer the phone, and instead of controlling my nerves, I jumped on you. I'm sorry too." 

"No, no. You had every right to be mad at me. You still do." 

"I wasn't angry. Or at least not at you, not really. " George could clearly hear Clay sighing deeply through the speakerphone. "Look George, I know I should have started with this yesterday, but unfortunately it's too late for that, so I'll do it now; Is something wrong?"

"No, it was just... me being stupid." George didn't feel the need to broach the subject. He didn't even know where he should start. Besides, why should he even start? It's not like it would change anything for the better. It's not the others' fault that he's having trouble figuring things out in his head. And besides, things were better now. He no longer felt any panic, he was able to separate his thoughts from themselves. He was in a kind of state of acceptance. Whatever was going to happen would happen, he doesn't have the strength to fight for anything. Or perhaps more so, he doesn't feel he has the right to do so. 

"Okay, I won't push. But if you want to talk, you know I'm always here for you, right? Me and Sapnap both. “

"Sure. Yea, I know."

"Do you want to talk about something else? We lost so much time yesterday." Dream asked him. George hesitated. 

"I still ought to call Sapnap." He had one more apology in front of him. 

"Oh, yes, of course.“ Clay sounded almost… disappointed? “You wanna play something after? “

"Umm... Maybe not today, sorry."

"No, that's fine. Call me if you change your mind or just want to talk. About anything, okay? “ 

"Sure. Bye."

"Bye George."

He ended the call. Did... did he really hear a bit of sadness in Dream's voice? No, it was just his imagination suggesting things to him. Although... No. Well, maybe? No matter, he should call Nick instead of pondering over some stuff. He looked up his number in his contact list and clicked on it to start the call. 

“Hello?” A voice answered from the other end of the line. 

“George. Dude, are you okay?” He sounded genuinely concerned. 

"Yes, yes. I'm calling to apologize for my disappearance yesterday." 

"That's okay, don't worry about it. Did something happen?" 

"No, it was just...something stupid."

"Are you sure?" 

"Yeah, you don't have to worry."

"Okay, if you say so. Have you talked to Dream yet? Today, I mean, because I know you two talked yesterday. " Ah, that means Dream told Saonap about their conversation. That was a good thing. At least Nick knew Clay managed to get in touch with him yesterday. 

"Oh, yeah. We were just talking a minute ago."

"That's okay then. He was really concerned, you know? I tried to tell him that your internet probably went out, or that someone needed you or something, but he said you've been kind of down all this week and kept on panicking. I don't know if that's true because I didn't notice anything myself, if so, I apologize. ” 

"I... really?" He noticed? It seemed to him that he hid it so well. Was this the first time Dream was aware that George had slightly worse days, or did he know it every time? And if that was the case, why didn't he ever let him know? Why didn't he bring up the subject?

"Yes. I think you should talk to him a little more honestly because from your answer I gather that he didn't tell you about it. And that he was right. “

"Oh, umm..." He shuddered. It was probably a little too late to deny it. 

"Look, you don't have to tell me anything. You don't have to talk to Clay right now either, but I think opening up to him will do you good. Dream clearly knows you better than you think." 

"Maybe... You could be right." Which was something entirely bizarre to think after yesterday. Would he be able to open up to others? Probably not yet, but just knowing that someone knew him well enough to be able to see through his mask was both elating and utterly terrifying. And he wasn't sure which emotion would take over the other. There was no way it won't torment his thought from this moment onward until he came to some kind of a conclusion. “I’ll think about it.” 

“You do that, George. “

"I will. I promise." 

\---

Well, he did think about it. A lot, actually. On the one hand, it was sort of a signal to finally share something that had been gnawing at him since forever, and on the other, it might not have ended well at all. So... he went back to acting as if nothing had ever happened. If you think about it, nothing big did happen. 

The only problem was that it had been 3 days since his last interaction with Dream or Sapnap and neither of them had tried to contact him since then. He wasn't sure if it was a matter of them wanting to give him some personal space, but it certainly wasn't helpful in this situation. He was currently sitting at his computer, Sapnap's stream playing on twitch, and listening to him and Dream banter with each other. Without him. 

He wanted to join. He knew that he had done so many times before, that they usually had fun together and it was alright. And yet, some block prevented him from doing so. His mind told him that since he wasn't invited, it meant he wasn't wanted there. Which was ridiculous, because they rarely 'invited' each other. It was an unwritten rule that if any of them had time they just joined because they always had more fun playing together. 

Like, what bad can happen? They laugh at him? Tell him to go away? George knew they wouldn't do that. He knew them. Then why couldn't he bring himself to click that button? There was no specific scenario in which something terrible would happen, and yet his subconscious was screaming at him so incredibly loud that he couldn't see through it. 

"Where's George?" His own name caught his attention. "Guys, George doesn't have to be with us always. Are me and Sapnap not enough for you?" Yeah, maybe Dream and Sapnap were enough. 

"George is probably asleep. If he wants to join, he knows he's always welcome." Sapnap added. Oh, maybe that was enough to overcome his uncertainty. He missed them. Taking a deep breath he finally clicked on the Discord channel joining the call.

"Hi." He said with a much more timid voice than he would like.

"George!" They both shouted, their voices overlapping. 

"Yes, yes. What are you doing?" He asked as if he hadn't watched the stream since the very beginning. 

“Sapnap is speedrunning and I’m cheering him on.” Dream replied. 

"Cool." Should he say something more?

"How are you doing, George?" Sapnap asked.

There wasn't much to talk about, especially not while Sapnap was broadcasting their conversation to thousands of people, but he slowly allowed himself to relax. Everything was as it always was, which was quite a relief. The only difference was that Dream complimented him twice as much as usual, which made George feel a little guilty, but also his heart flutter. 

“Can I call you on private call?” Asked him Dream once Sapnap ended his stream. 

"Oh, of course." He replied a little nervously. He hoped it wasn't about anything bad. They left the canal to call each other privately. "So... you wanted something?" 

"Let's talk some more George, I missed you." It made George almost want to cry. If only he had had the courage to call Clay a few days ago. 

"Yes, please." It ripped out of his mouth before he quite thought through the phrasing of the words. He could feel the blush coming to his face. It was fortunate that Dream wasn't able to see him now. 

"George, George, Georgie." Clay echoed his name repeatedly. 

"Wh-what?" He stuttered. 

"Nothing. I didn't say your name to you for three whole days, Georgie" George covered his face with his hands. He was really about to start crying. 

“Stop.” He pleaded. His heart might not be able to take it. 

"No." Dream replied cheerfully. "I have a few days to make up for.”

"H-How have these days been for you?" He asked, wanting to divert the focus from his person. 

"I already said I missed you."

"Dream. Mercy." Did he really want him to stop? He felt as if his heart was about to jump out of his chest. He was able to hear the echo of each thud echoing in his head. He wasn't sure if he could take it, but at the same time, he craved more. 

"I'll slow down." Dream vowed. His voice was so gentle. "Actually, maybe not really. There's something I want to ask, and I'm hoping you can answer me."

"Ye-Yes?" He could feel himself starting to shake slightly. It was hard to keep his voice at one level. 

"First of all - how are you feeling? Is it okay now? At least enough to talk about it a bit? I'm not going to try and pry any details out of you." 

"Umm... " He hesitated. Theoretically, even Sapnap had told him he should open up, and if Dream promised not to pressure him... "Yeah, I can try." 

"Let's say this situation would happen again. That you need to step away for a while." Dream began to explain. "I don't need to know the reason, I don't need to understand, but is there anything I could do to make this a little easier for you? Do you want me to give you a few days to collect your thoughts, and you will contact me yourself? Or should I be the one trying to reach you the next day, for example? Because I understand that talking right after is not something you want. “

Oh, wow. Clay was really set on making him cry today. He tried to gather his thoughts to be able to answer as honestly as possible. There was something scary about it, but talking about what he needed in moments like this was easier than talking about the reason why these moments were happening. 

“I… I guess it would be nice if you called me the next day because I won’t know how to do it myself.“ His voice trembled. How was Dream so sweet?

"Thank you. " Dream said. "Do you want me to try to talk to you about what happened, or would you rather not talk about it? I know you like affirmations, so I can give you that. So much until you feel better, until you've had enough." 

It was a breaking point for George. Tears started streaming down his face at the thought of waking up after one of his bad days to Dream complimenting him over the phone and assuring him that everything was okay. 

“The a-affirmations sounds nice.” He said sniffling slightly. Clay really broke him. 

"Thank you. Is there anything I should avoid?" He asked, his voice becoming even gentler, even more calming. 

"I-I'm not sure, I... " It was getting difficult to talk. 

"Okay. That's enough for me, thank you."

“Dream…” He said in between short breaths. How did the other almost always knew what to do? How was he so considerate? 

"Georgie, deeper breaths for me, okay? I don't want you to hyperventilate."

"Yea, okay, okay. I'm trying." It wasn't simple to force himself to take longer inhales and exhales. His breath kept cutting out, blocking itself in his throat. He never did stop shaking. He heard Dream on the other side of the line slowing his breathing too, giving him time to calm down. 

“I think I’m fine now.” He said after most of his shaking had subdued. It was partly embarrassing how he broke down in front of Dream, but also so refreshing at the same time. To have someone there to help him simmer down. 

"Do you have the energy to talk to me some more? " Dream asked him. "Just a normal conversation now, okay? I promise." 

"Yea, yes I do. " He replied. After all, he missed Clay as well. 

\---

Their conversation turned out to last late into the night, neither of them breaking the connection even for a second. They talked in hushed tones sharing old stories, their thoughts, their ideas for new youtube videos. They went from topic to topic, never running out of things to say. Honestly, that was pretty much all George could ever want. All he could wish for.

And it wasn’t a one-time thing either. Dream would end up calling him either on the phone or on Discord every day to talk until one of them fell asleep, which only further ruined their already messed up sleeping schedule. Absolutely worth it, though. It was amazing, he never... he never felt so wanted in his entire life. 

He knew his doubts were too deeply rooted in him to get rid of so easily, but they currently had no control over him when Dream spent so much time with him every day. He already thought he had so much before, but now it was almost impossible to process. And yet he felt disappointed every time he woke up with his phone in his hand, the call terminated.

They were currently in the process of filming another manhunt, a 1 vs 4. They had lots of fun, as they always did. Screaming and jokingly threatening each other. George, as usual, was the one who died most often. Dream kept on focusing all his attention on him at the worst times. Sometimes he felt as if he was the one being chased and not the other way around. 

“Come here, George.” Dream laughed at him. He swears that this phrase will hunt him in his dreams. He heard Sapnap and Bad also yelling at Dream trying to pull him away from George with poor results. 

“Leave me alone!” He begged, trying to run away. 

"No chance, Georgie!" He screamed in frustration as he's been slandered for the n-th time during this gameplay. He swears he was there just to give out his resources to Dream. He sighed deeply, back to the square one once again, at least for him. Was he really that bad at this game that it was this easy to catch and kill him? To the point, that Dream treats it as a form of entertainment rather than running away from him?

Dream was already very close to reaching the end and their spawn was far from where he had last been. Why they hadn't set up a bed somewhere along the way was a good question, but unfortunately, it was a little too late for that. It would take so long to catch up with the others, mainly because he needs to gather resources again. Trying to reach the others without armor was a death wish. On the other hand, the armor probably won't help him either. 

To no one's surprise, Dream won this match. He was getting way too good at them. He always found some new way to confuse them and leave them behind. It was a good effort from the rest of them, though. 

"Gg." Sapnap said. "George spent more time trying to catch up with us than doing anything else.

"I know." He groaned. "Dream was onto me. Why?" 

“You’re the most fun to kill.” Shrugged Clay. "I like it when you scream." 

They talked for about half an hour after that, but soon enough most of them had to go. Before he could leave the call though, Sapnap caught his attention.

"Jo, George. You talked with Dream, right? I think I can tell by how happy you've been lately."

"Ah, Yes. It went... it went well. Thanks, for that advice. We talk every day now." If it weren't for Sapnap, George would probably be in a slightly different situation now. He was more grateful to him for that conversation than he would be able to say. And it was true that he had been very happy lately. It was hard not to be. And it was strange to think how broken he had been before.

"Oh, cool. Yea, we used to do that too. " George hesitated. 

"Yeah?" He felt his whole body freeze in space. 

"Sure, you know, we would just talk to each other about some stuff. Sometimes we would even face-time each other. "

"When... when was this?" He asked, his throat getting a little bit tight. He didn't understand why he felt that way. So it wasn't just him that Clay would do something like that with, no big deal. He wasn't included in those late-night conversations and had no idea they were happening. Nothing to be upset about. Sapnap wasn't included in his and Dream talks either, and he only learned about them just now, after about a week. And Clay would even use his camera while he and Nick talked, which was fine. It's not like he didn't know that Sapnap has already seen what Dream looks like. 

"It's an ongoing thing throughout the years. On and off kinda thing. "

"Is... that so. " He was trying really hard not to sound too tense. " You two rarely called me outside of our group conversations." 

"I guess." Said Sapnap. "You're just, you know, in a completely different time-zone. "

"Yea, that... that makes sense." He choked out. "I have to go now. Bye Sapnap. "

"By- " He hung out. 

Deep breath in. It was essential to think about this logically. There was no reason for him to feel disappointed. Dream and Sapnap had every right to talk to each other whenever they wanted without including him in the conversation and they didn't have to let him know about it. He was also well aware that Dream called Sapnap through facetime, so the fact that they did it so nonchalantly was just a small detail. The fact that he wasn't 'special' didn't change anything either. Why would he be? 

Why would the fact that he wasn't the only person Dream spent so much time for and that, in fact, it was even less than Clay did for other people change anything? He was, after all, happy with what he had. He had thought it was more than what he deserved, and now what? And now he felt like he was an unnecessary addition again. Like it was all one big lie. 

Which didn't make any sense!

Why did he have to be so difficult? Why weren't ordinary things enough for him? He pulled on his hair in frustration, curling into a small ball. He wanted so much to be grateful for everything others did for him. But he wasn't able to because of moments like that. He didn't deserve anything, and yet, he kept on wanting more and more. He could feel tears gathering in his eyes, but he really shouldn't cry, he had no right to. 

He was such an emotional mess. Maybe that's why he never believed that anyone liked him because he knew that if they knew just how annoying he really was they wouldn't. It was naive of him to think that could ever be more than what he felt like right now. 

He was so selfish. 

\---

He wasn't sure how much time he spent sitting in one place. _I overreact to everything, huh?_ He was tired. He could go to sleep, but Dream should be calling him soon and he didn't want to miss it. He didn't want to punish Clay with his actions. Especially when he was the one who should be punished. 

His phone lit up with an upcoming call. 

"Hello?" He answered trying to make his voice sound as cheerful as possible, which might have been a mistake. He rarely sounded cheerful. 

"George?" Yep, he was definitely busted. All it took was one word. "Is everything ok?" 

"Yeah, yeah. It's just, you know, something stupid.... again." He said the last word so quietly that he wasn't sure Clay heard it. 

"Oh, is it because of today's manhunt? I'm sorry I didn't give you a chance to play normally like the rest of us." Dream sounded genuinely apologetic.

"No, no. That was fine. It's something else, but I can handle it myself." He tried to nervously explain and move on to another topic. 

"I... yes, of course." Did Dream sound sad? "I wanted to ask you something, but I'm not sure this is the right time."

"I'm fine. What is it?" 

"Well, I thought it would be cool if you could finally fly to Florida. "He said in a weird tone. " I'll buy you tickets and I have an extra bedroom so you won't have to worry about any costs and ... yea. “

He wanted to say yes so badly, it was almost on the tip of his tongue, but he held back at the last moment. 

"I... I'm not sure that's a good idea. " He replied softly. Clay stayed silent for at least half a minute before responding just as quietly. 

"Can I know why?" 

"I'm not even sure what I would say." If he went to Florida Dream would surely get fed up with him in a fairly short time. He probably wouldn't have told him or shown it in any way, but George knew himself. All you had to do was look at the last 2 weeks. It was already the 2nd time he had tormented Clay with his moods. And what it would look like when he was next to him? No, it probably wasn't worth it. 

"No, George, please. Give me at least one reason so I can change it." This shocked George to his core. Dream sounded almost desperate, his voice trembling a little. 

"Dream, no, no. It's not your fault. It's nothing you did." That was the last thing George wanted to accomplish. To make Dream think he did something wrong. It was the total opposite. He was the one fucking things up. 

"Obviously it has to be, because it's me you won't meet up with." Was Dream crying? George started to panic. 

"It's not. I swear. I promise. I'm so, so, so, sorry. " He stammered. He could hear the harsh sniffling through the phone. "It's me, okay? It's me. I'm scared I will mess everything up. "

"Why?" Asked him Dream, his voice sounding so pained.

"Because that's all I do!" He half-yelled. "Because I'm selfish and self-absorbant and I'm scared of you finding out." Great, now he was also crying, the tears dripping down his face and blurring his vision. He felt his sobs shaking his whole body, it was getting to a point where it became difficult to breathe. He was almost gagging, trying to inhale some air into his lungs. 

He lowered himself onto the floor, curling up on it with his forehead resting on the carpet trying to stop both the shaking and his too quick breaths. He could hear Dream’s panicked voice trying to get him to respond, but he had a more urgent matter on his hands. Like trying not to die. His head was pounding with each heartbeat and his muscles kept on spasming, tensing, and relaxing in quick successions. 

"George! George, can you hear me?" Reached him. "Fuck! Just... just knock on the wall or the floor or whatever if you can." 

That wasn't too difficult for him to do so he curled up his fist to knock harshly on the floor three times. 

"Okay, that's good, that's good. George, I want you to try and match my breathing, okay? It's okay if you won't be able to do it right away, but keep trying, ok?" He knocked again to let Dream know that he understood. 

"Inhale." Said Clay taking a very audible slow breath in. "And exhale." Long swish of air resounded in the room. "Inhale." 

Dream maintained the same rhythm making sure that each of his breath was audible for George, whilst he did his best to match it. It took... a while, he wasn't sure how long, but eventually he was able to inhale and exhale in line with Dream. The trembling didn't stop though. It will probably take even longer for all of his muscles to relax. 

"I think... I think I'm okay now." He said once he was sure that even trying to speak won't launch him back into gasping for air.

"That's good. I'm proud of you. " Dream said to him with relief. "Can you tell me what you need now?" 

"Just... just stay." He pleaded. That was really intense. He'd had similar attacks before, but this one was definitely on the top list of the most terrifying and exhausting. 

"I'm definitely not leaving." Said Dream. "Do you want me to talk or just breathe with you some more?" 

"Breathing is fine. I can't... I'm having a hard time processing sounds." He closed his eyes, trying to collect himself some more. Every so often, a new wave of convulsions swept through his body making it impossible to relax. Somehow, he managed to pull himself up from the floor and onto his bed and fall asleep to the sound of Clay's breaths. 

\---

The next day he woke up relatively late. The sun was shining into his room through the open curtains at an angle that suggested more midday hours than morning. His phone lay on the pillow beside him, its battery discharged. Somehow he didn't have it in his mind to plug it into the charger before he fell asleep. 

He slowly got out of bed, his movements very calm and steady. He should eat something, even if he absolutely did not feel like it. His head felt as if it was filled with cotton. Perhaps it was a fault of dehydration. 

He mumbled on his cereal slowly while sitting at the kitchen table. He should call Dream. He knew he couldn't avoid a serious conversation about what he'd said yesterday and what had happened, but he was mostly ready for it. Or at least as ready as it was possible. Maybe he wouldn't give away everything that was going on in his head, but Clay definitely deserved an explanation. Especially since George had made him cry yesterday.

He returned to his room to throw himself back on his bed and plug his phone into the charger lying on his bedside table. He did a quick check of the time and did a mental calculation of how early it was currently in Florida. Still pretty early, but there was a pretty good chance Clay was already awake. 

He waited until his battery reached 30% before dialing Dream's number from his contact list. Not even five seconds passed before Clay answered the call. 

"Georgie." He said softly. His voice was so incredibly warm.

"Hey Dream." He replied, a semi-sad smile entering his face. 

"How are you feeling? Did you drink a lot of water this morning?" 

"I'm fine, even if a little shaken up. And yes, I did." He took a deep breath in preparation for what was to come next. "I think I'm ready to talk. About everything." 

"Are you sure George? I can wait." 

"I'm sure. Thank you, but I don't want to leave it for later. " Now was the best time, while his nerves haven't got themselves together again. 

"Okay. You can tell me anything you're ready for." 

"Thanks." Here he goes. "So, the reason as to why yesterday took place, why I said I'm not sure it's a good idea for me to fly to the USA, to you, is because... because I'm afraid I'm going to lose your friendship. And before you say it, it's not your fault, you haven't done anything to suggest to me that something like that might happen, that you don't care. I just... you could say I have a bad opinion of myself when it comes to my relationships."

"I remember you saying yesterday that you're selfish, that you mess things up." Dream said softly. "But George, you have to know that it's not true, that it's the furthest thing from what you truly are."

"I... I don't know, to be honest. I'd like to say I'm trying, but there are so many thoughts going around in my head that say something completely different that I'm not sure if it's otherwise." 

“Georgie…” 

"Look at what I've done lately. First I ran away when we were supposed to be doing something and made you worry about me because I wasn't answering my phone, and then, yesterday, I made you start crying Dream. I don't think that's something a good person would do. A good friend." 

"Okay, first of all, I worry because I care. Because you are a wonderful human being that I can't even fathom not having in my life. " Dream said firmly. "And I cried because I love you, because I was scared of losing you and because I want to be there for you, but I'm not sure how. All I want, Georgie, all I want is for you to let me stay by your side even when it gets difficult for you. Can I have it, Georgie?" 

"Yes.” He said, his voice getting stuck in his throat with the amount of emotion hidden in it. ” Yes, please."

"And will you come to me?" Dream asked, his voice filled with anticipation.

"Yes."

\---


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two. I am really happy with this story, with the way it progresses, and I just hope that you'll enjoy it as well.  
> If you did, please leave a comment :)

\---

"The visa allows you to stay for up to six months, right?" Dream asked him. George was currently sitting in front of the computer being connected to Dream on discord and reviewing the available options for flights from London to Florida. All the paperwork was already finished and luckily didn't take that much time, though still longer than he would like it to. Now they could finally discuss the dates and length of his stay. 

"Umm... yeah, I guess?" He answered the question. 

"Great." He replied, sounding very pleased. 

"You are not thinking about getting me to stay for the whole six months, are you?" He asked suspiciously. It wouldn't be beyond Dream to do that.

“I mean…why not?” Said Dream, George could almost feel him shrugging his shoulders. “Is there a reason for you not to stay for the full six months?” 

"I mean, kind of. What about my apartment? It's one thing to leave it empty for a month and another to leave it empty for six months." He protested. Really, Clay was quicker to decide things than he was to fully think them through. George didn't mind staying in Florida as long as possible, in fact, it wasn't the first time the thought of staying for a full six months had entered his mind, but it entailed many difficulties. 

"Hmm... Can't your family take a look at it every once in a while?" 

"For half a year?" Dream was being a bit ridiculous.

"Eh... I suppose you have a point." Said Dream, sounding really disappointed. "I just want you here for as long as possible." 

"You know I can always fly in a second time, or you can come to visit me in England." George reminded him. "You don't have to act like you're never going to see me again once I fly out."

"Oh, you're absolutely right. I'll just come back with you, and then you'll come back with me, and we'll jump from place to place like that every few months." George couldn't tell if Dream was saying this in jest or was being completely serious. 

"It would be a little impractical for the people who would have to watch our places." 

"Georgie..." Said Dream in a weeping tone. "Why don't you want to stay with me for longer?" Of course he wanted to stay with him for as long as possible, but he also didn't want to trouble anyone. There was no way of avoiding it completely though, so the least he could do was to go for a compromise. 

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I’m just trying to be reasonable, you idiot.” He laughed. “I am willing to part with my apartment and inconvenience my family for three months, how is that? That’s quarter of a year.” 

"I suppose it will do." Grumbled Dream. 

"Okay, so now that you've managed to trick me into an unreasonably long stay, what dates are we looking at?" Asked George, turning his attention back to the offers displayed on the webpages. "If I buy them more in advance it will come out cheaper, although either way the price shouldn't be an issue." It would be the most cost-efficient to buy the tickets months in advance, but there was no way they were waiting this long to see each other. Maybe in 4 weeks' time would be a good date?

"How long does it usually take you to pack?" Dream asked, pulling him out of his train of thought.

"Huh? I'm not sure... Like 2, maybe 3 days if I want to be sure I didn't forget anything. It might come down to a few days more this time around though, I've never been away for that long before." He replied thinking out loud.

"Okay, so about a week?" Dream asked.

"Probably something around that, I'll have to do a few rounds of laundry and stuff." Ugh, he for sure wasn't looking forward to that. 

"Great, you have a flight next Monday." He almost fell from his chair.

"What?!!!" He screamed. "You're joking, right? There is no way you already booked the tickets. How did you even know all the needed information?"

"A magician never reveals all his tricks."

"What do you mean???" He said in a still raised tone before trying to take a deep breath in to calm himself down. "You haven't bought the tickets yet, have you?" He asked with fake calmness.

"Well... no, I didn't buy the 'tickets' ." George heaved a sigh of relief. "I bought one ticket. We can worry about the return one later."

“Dream!” 

"What?" Clay laughed. "You didn't think I'd let you pay for them yourself, did you?"

"I-I, but... Monday?" He stuttered in shock. It wasn't a lot of time. Not much at all. He had a lot of packing ahead of him as well as getting little things done before everything was finalized and he wouldn't have to worry about anything wrong happening while he was gone. 

"Yea, here, I'm sending it to you." George clicked on the link hoping that it would take him to some stupid website and Clay could say 'ha, I fooled you', but no. He was just staring at a purchased flight to Florida that was due in a little over a week at 5 in the morning. "You'll have to be careful not to oversleep for your flight." Said Dream as if reading his mind. 

"I might just in spite." Said George still in disbelief. " I will have to get up at like, 3 AM to get ready and arrive on time." He whined loudly and banged his forehead on the desk staying in that position. “Why are you doing this to me?”

"Oh, come on. I know you're happy." Teased him Dream. "You're gonna see me in about a week!"

"I don't know what's so great about it." He grumbled, but a smile was creeping on his face. He was happy. Extremely happy, even if slightly inconvenienced. It wasn't undoable. It just meant that instead of a normal week he would have one dedicated fully and completely to packing and preparing. If it was only for a week or two it would have been a different story, he could probably pack in a day, but three months required some strategic planning, which had done none of as of now. 

"George! You're hurting my feelings." Dream fake-sniffed. "Don't you want to see my handsome face?" 

"I don't even know what you look like. You're gonna like, sneak attack me or something."

"Bet."

“What? No!” He protested immediately straightening in his seat. He could hear the loud, wheezing sound of Clay's laughter resounding through the headphones. “You’re so mean to me.” He pouted even though he knew Dream couldn’t see him. 

"Oh, come on George. You know I love you." A smile crept onto his face, even though he tried really hard to stop it. Every time those three words managed to warm his heart and make everything seem okay. 

"I have to call my family and tell them I'll be gone for three months counting from next week." He changed the subject. It wasn't the time to say it back just yet.

"At least three months." Chimed in Dream

"You're pushing it." He threatened him playfully. "I'll call you back after I'm done talking with them, okay?"

"Sure. Bye Georgie, love you."

"Bye."

\---

It was presently 3:25 in the morning, and George, for some inexplicable reason, was already up (very inexplicable reason indeed). His suitcase had long since been packed and was waiting for him near his front door while he showered and prepared breakfast for himself. Not too long from now, he would have to leave the house to catch his flight. 

His phone started to ring. He looked at the caller ID. Of course. Who else.

"Hi, Dream." He greeted him sleepily. His eyelids felt sticky. It took so much energy to pry them apart every time he blinked. 

"Hi Georgie, are you up yet?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm just having breakfast." He said taking a bite out of his toast. He made himself a traditional English breakfast as his last meal before flying out to the USA. He thought it’d be fitting.

"That's good. I just wanted to make sure you won't miss the flight."

"I wouldn't do that." He rolled his eyes, finishing his toasts and moving on to the sink to wash the dishes. He switched to speakerphone mode and put down his phone on the hood of a stove before rolling up his sleeves. "I know I have a reputation, but I'm not that irresponsible." 

"Hmm... maybe." Teased him Dream. "How are you feeling? Very sleepy?"

"Yea... I'm dying." As if on cue a yawn broke out of him making Clay chuckle slightly.

"I can hear that." He commented. "But that's good. Hopefully you'll be able to fall asleep on the plane."

"Hopefully I won't fall asleep before I get on the plane." Which was getting more and more probable with the way he almost swayed as he walked. Was he to sit down on a couch or his bed he was sure he would be out like a light. 

"I thought you just said you aren't that irresponsible." Taunted him Dream.

"I... shut up." 

"Sorry, sorry. How are you getting to the airport?" Dream asked him going back to his more serious tone.

"My mom volunteered to drive me." He explained. "She should be here soon." He was really grateful that she did. He wouldn't be looking forward to going to the airport using public transport at 3 AM. Though Uber did exist, so that probably would have been the option he went for. 

"That's good. You have everything prepared?" 

"Yea, Dream. You reminded me of things to pack throughout the whole week." He truly did. Every day he would come out with a new list of things for George to go through. If something went forgotten it wouldn't be from the lack of planning.

"I just wanted to make sure nothing crucial was left behind." He could practically sense Dream shrugging.

"I know." He responded fondly. He appreciated it. A knock disturbed his sentence. "Wait a minute, I think my mom is here. Should I hang up and call you once I get to the airport?" He got up to get to the front doors.

"You don't want me talking to your mom?" Teased him Dream. "Nah, have your moment and call me back later Georgie. Or at least text me before the take-off if you won't have time to call."

"Sure. Till later Dream." 

"Later Georgie, love you."

He ended the call and opened the doors, his mother standing behind them with car keys in her hands. 

"Ready?" She asked him.

"Let me just put my shoes on."

\----

Unfortunately, there wasn't enough time between going through the various gates and checking documents to call Dream again before departure, so he had to settle for a quick text message sent from his seat on the plane just before they were told to turn on airplane mode. George was actually not much of a fan of flying. He knew that statistically, it was the safest means of transportation, but when driving a car, a person usually didn't experience the turbulences that were normal during a flight. 

What he didn't do for Dream, though, right? 

He had an approximately 10 hours flight ahead of him and the seats for sure weren’t the most comfortable thing to sleep in. Lucky for him he was very tired, so not even 30 minutes after the take-off he was sound asleep and didn't wake up until just an hour before the landing. His ability to sleep through everything really came in handy today, huh?

He was really looking forward to meeting Dream face to face, but he would be lying if he said he wasn't incredibly nervous about it at the same time. Dream had spent the last month having daily conversations with him during which he didn't fail to shower him with compliments from the bottom to the top and assure him of how important he was to him. 

Since their conversation during which George had a literal panic attack, they opened up to each other a lot more. There were a lot of things George hadn't told him yet, mostly because he couldn't put them into words himself, but they were slowly getting to the point where there would be no secrets between them. Dream already knew a lot more about him anyway than George thought was possible without disliking him, so they were doing pretty well.

It was obvious that not everything was suddenly perfect, that his doubts still haunted him at the worst moments, but Dream was always there to help him get through them, and since George had started trying to let him in when such moments occurred, it had definitely become easier. Yes, it was extremely scary to let someone experience themselves while all their worst traits were coming to the surface, but the relief he felt when Dream was next to him to repeat to him that whatever his thoughts were telling him wasn't true was definitely greater. 

He never thought he would be able to find someone who could give him so much and not be done with him. To not be exhausted. But when he asked Dream if it wasn't tiring, being there for him even when he wasn't at his best he always told him that the fact that George let him help himself made him feel incredibly happy. That it could never be too much as long as George promises to be as honest with him as he is ready to be. Which, admittedly, might have made his heart stagger a little. 

And now he will have even more. Dream would be next to almost constantly and as it usually happened with him, one part of him was absolutely thrilled about it, but the other part kept telling him that now for sure Dream would get fed up with him when he experienced what it was like to share so much time with him. George really tried to ignore that other side, but it certainly wasn't giving up too easily. 

But soon enough he'd be about to confront it, to see Dream for the first time. 

\---

The landing went quite smoothly and before George knew it he was already walking through the arrivals gate with his phone in his hand and texting short messages to Dream. He didn't even try to call because it was way too loud to be able to hear anything through the speaker. 

Everything felt so surreal right now. As if he was walking in his dream, everything around him just an image made up by his imagination. Did he have expectations about their first meeting? Was there something he desired? A certain way he wanted it to go? One part of him seemed to be undecided, not able to grasp what swirled in the back of his head, but the other part of him, which he wasn't ready to come forward in fear of being hurt, already knew more than he would like it to. 

Dream wrote that he was waiting for him just around the corner, as close to the passenger-only area as possible. Which meant that they were only seconds away from their first meeting. His heart was beating so hard in his chest, his whole body trembling slightly. It was a new kind of nervousness, though. Mixed with anticipation and impatience. He sent another message to Dream. 

George:  
Don't you want to at least tell me what you're wearing? What if I walk up to some random person and get abducted?

Dream:  
That's not an option George. Don't worry, there's no chance of you mistaking me for someone else. 

He pouted a little and put the phone away. That was so cryptic, he could only hope they would be able to find each other. He was just entering the area in which Dream was supposed to be waiting for him. He swept his eyes over the line of people standing at the gate, and his gaze was immediately caught by a blue sweatshirt with Dream's smile on it. It was worn by a tall man, and when George shifted his gaze a little higher, he was able to see dirty blond, semi-long hair and a gentle smile directed straight at him. 

He could feel his heart skip a beat.

The man was really handsome. With his tall, well-built figure, which George had theoretically already seen in pictures, but it was something else entirely to see in real life when he could compare how much bigger it was than his. And when their eyes crossed, brown with golden, which George remembered in the back of his head were actually green, he could have sworn he felt the gentle mussing of butterfly wings in his stomach area. 

He saw Dream open his arms, and before he knew what he was doing, he was already running into his embrace. Their bodies collided with each other, George's arms wrapping around Dream's waist while he put his arms around his shoulders and pulled him even closer to himself. George hid his face in the bend of Dream's arm, feeling suddenly emotionally overwhelmed. 

He felt so warm and so incredibly safe. He was much smaller than the other, which was something he expected, but could only now truly experience. It felt nice to be completely enveloped by Dream's body. He couldn't imagine ever letting himself relax like this in anyone else's hold. It was as if something clicked in him. As if some need hidden deep inside of him finally felt temporarily satiated. How was he supposed to ever let go?

“Hi, Georgie.” He heard Dream murmur.

“Hi.” He said back. “Why the blue sweatshirt and not green?” He asked, curious about the choice. He liked the blue, don't get him wrong, but it wasn't something he expected. 

"You see blue best." Explained simply Dream.

George pulled away slightly, not enough to break their embrace but enough to get a good look at Dream's face. It was a bit weird to have someone’s face so close to his own, but he pushed through it for the mere reason that it was Dream being so close to him. Dream’s nose and cheeks were sprinkled with tiny freckles, their color standing out delicately against his slightly golden skin. His face was mostly symmetrical, with a strong jawline and a straight nose, his features strong but not harsh. He didn't have chiseled cheekbones or Greek-God features, but somehow it made it even better, not generic, more human and gentle. 

“So, what do you think?” Asked him Dream, a sheepish smile on his face. 

“I like it.” He responded simply, feeling a bit starstruck.

"That's such a weird thing to say about someone's face." He said, moving one hand from George's back to comb his hair, his smile was so warm, his hands so big and gentle. "How are you feeling after the flight? Tired?"

"Not really, mostly sore after sleeping in a weird position." He said feeling the way his whole body was throbbing in slight discomfort. His neck especially was killing him. That's what sleeping approximately 8 hours in an airplane seat would do to you. 

"I will give you a massage once we get home." Remarked Dream. George wasn't sure if he was being serious. "Let's go get your suitcase." 

\---

“Welcome home.” Said Dream, opening the front doors before him. He was the one pulling the suitcase through the doors as he refused to let George deal with all the baggage himself. 

“Thank you.” He said back, walking through the doorway, Patches waiting for them on the other side, meowing. He squatted down to let her smell his hand before petting her lightly and scratching behind her ears. She rubbed her head into his palm, purring slightly.

"She likes you." Said Dream, a gentle smile on his face. He looked up to reciprocate the smile before standing up and taking a look around. The entrance was decorated in light colors, mostly neutrals, and kept quite simple but not minimalistic. 

"It's nice here." He wasn't sure if this was what he expected 

"Wait till you see the rest." Commented Dream taking his shoes off, George following his example. "Would you like a quick tour, or do you want to rest for now, maybe eat something and have the tour later on?" 

"I'm not sure... I am kind of hungry." The last time he ate was over 12 hours ago, and his stomach was about to start grumbling.

"Okay. You want some American-style pancakes?" Dream asked him, to which he nodded enthusiastically. "Come this way." He guided him to the kitchen, which again, was very nicely arranged and decorated. George sat at the table and watched wordlessly as Dream made the batter and then fried the pancakes while humming quietly. 

The atmosphere around them was filled with familiarity. The two of them sharing the same space and enjoying each other's company without the need to address it. George could get used to it. He felt as if he already did. 

"I didn't know you could cook." He commented.

"I can only make simple stuff. Like pancakes, pasta, and so on." Explained Dream. "But I'm trying to learn more. Living off take-out isn't sustainable." George only hummed in agreement. He, himself, wasn't that great of a cook either, which probably should be something he ought to be ashamed about. Perhaps he would work on that. He wants to be able to cook something for someone as well. 

The pancakes were good. Really sweet and fluffy. He enjoyed each bite, taking delight in the warm sweetness. He stretched himself after he was done eating, his joints cracking slightly. Clay looked at him worriedly. 

"Let me give you that massage." He proposed making George sputter. Did he mean that earlier? He wasn't expecting such bluntness, for such a proposal to be made so nonchalantly. He never... He never experienced another person volunteering to touch him. As if it was something normal. Maybe it was, maybe he just wouldn't know. 

"Oh, you don't have to..." He said quickly, a slight blush appearing on his face.

"I really do. I can tell your neck is hurting you from the way you hold yourself." George's instinct was to continue to insist that it wasn't necessary, but being honest the massage option sounded incredibly good. And wasn't he supposed to be honest with himself and Dream? Would it... would it be nice? In the way the earlier hug felt so incredibly warm and safe and perfect? 

"Well, okay." He said shyly, not sure what to do next. How did one approach physical contact? It was easy at the airport, natural, in a spur of a moment, but this? 

"Let's go to your room." Dream suggested, rising from his chair. "That will probably be most comfortable."

Was George the only one to feel very awkward trotting after Dream with the prospect of having his hands on his body any minute now? It's not like he'd ever been in this situation before, and it seemed like something extremely intimate to him, even if logically it was a no big deal. People get massages all the time. Though, thinking about it, besides today's embrace, he couldn't remember the last time someone touched him as more than a quick greeting that lasted half a second and was either a handshake or a half-hug.

He lied down on the bed, face down, and could feel Dream climb atop of him. Okay, this was definitely weird. He could feel himself tensing, alarms blaring off in his head. He felt so vulnerable in this position, having someone this close when he couldn't even see them. It was scary, even if it was just Dream. He felt as if he was about to throw Clay off of him and run away to hide. 

It was bizarre. He knew that it was Dream that was so close to him, and yet his mind had difficulties in believing it. It was as if it didn't matter what he knew because the suddenness of having someone touch him in a way that made him unable to instantly pull away made his entire being enter a state of utter panic. He wanted to be okay, wanted to push through this weird feeling, but was incapable of it. All he knew was that he needed to gain his personal space back, to ground himself. 

Dream seemed to sense that something was off.

"George?" He asked him gently. "What's wrong?"

“Can you… can you get off of me?” George pleaded, feeling guilty that he had to ask Dream to do that. Dream sat down next to him on the bed and watched him, clearly concerned, as he slowly rose to a sitting position. He took a long breath, trying to regain his ability to collect his thoughts. 

"Do you...? Do you not like me touching you? I thought it was fine when we hugged at the airport, but if I'm wrong I can keep my distance." Dream said. He sounded a bit worried, a little confused, and very unsure.

"No, it's not that. It's just... having someone on top of me, immobilizing me is really scary. I'm sorry. I don't know why." He hugged his knees to his torso. "I... I'm not used to having people so close to me, but I was fine with the hug earlier. I liked it. It's just... I couldn't actually see you and it just... I started panicking. " He was excited, kind of, about the massage. He thought it would be nice to have Dream's hands on him, even if the thought of having someone's hands on him, in general, made him uncomfortable. He didn't expect it to turn out like that, though, maybe he should have. 

"Did... did something happen to you? Before?" Clay sounded very concerned now, his eyes searching for something in his face. 

"No, no!" He tried to quickly explain to not make Dream reach false conclusions. "That's why I said I don't really understand why I reacted like that. It was weird. I… yeah. "

"So... you're just not used to it?" Dream asked, his brows furrowed slightly. He seemed to be thinking deeply, something sad appearing in his eyes. 

“I... I guess." His voice trembled a little at the end of the sentence. 

"Can I touch you now?" He asked him, not reaching out to him just yet.

"Yes. Just please be patient with me." Pleaded George still a little shook from the amount of sheer panic that suddenly threw him off just a minute ago. 

Dream lightly placed his hand on his forearm which was rested across his knees. He gave him a few seconds, watching his reaction before slowly leading his arms to open up his position. He pulled him gently, at any time giving him options to break contact or resist the pull, guiding him closer until he was almost seated on Dream's lap. He changed his hold, his hands now settling on George's back, before he slowly pulled him all the way in, George's face now resting in the crook of his neck. 

This was good. This was comforting instead of panic-inducing. 

"Is this okay?" He asked him tenderly, resting his cheek on the top of his head. 

"Yes." George answered softly, feeling himself relax into the hold. They stayed like that for a couple minutes, just breathing deeply and enjoying the warmth of the other person against them. 

"Can we talk later about what makes some things okay and what doesn't?" Dream asked him, whispering the question into his hair. 

"I will have to figure that out because I don't fully know yet." He admitted. "But yes, we can." Dream squeezed him a little harder.

"Thank you." 

\---

About an hour later, they were still snuggled into each other, Dream now leaning against the headboard with George half lying on his chest. By this time, George had practically melted into his arms, the prior moment of panic long since expelled from his system. With his eyes closed, he listened to Dream's rhythmic heartbeat and his steady breathing. 

He couldn't remember the last time he had felt so peaceful. As if everything in the world was suddenly in balance. His thoughts were so peaceful, he didn't think they could be so small, so insignificant, so easy to ignore. He felt as if he could spend the rest of eternity in Dreams' arms, and when they finally separated, it would still be too soon. Who would have thought that an embrace from someone you had the utmost trust n could give such an effect.

Dream sighed quietly, his hand combing through his hair gently. 

"Do you think you're ready to talk yet?" He asked him cautiously. "We can stay as we are now, but I want to understand what I should avoid." He explained to him. Was he ready? He didn't really have an answer, but he wouldn't mind thinking about it, trying to figure it out. 

He went back to the situation from before. He didn't mind Dream touching him, like, he very clearly enjoyed that, as one could see right now, so it wasn't that. It could be the fact that he was slightly immobilized, but that didn't feel right either. He panicked because there was suddenly someone very close to him, and even though his logical side knew it was Dream, all his senses could tell was the pressure of a body on his.

There wasn't really anything about the situation that he could rationalize. His instincts worked outside of his control and the only thing he could do was trying to figure out the triggers that made him act out. He didn't really have an understatement of what was okay, what made the touch they shared right now so good, and the touch from before so bad, but he could try to find the differences. 

"Well, I guess it's just when it's sudden?" He tried putting it into words. " And too close? And when I can't assure myself that it's really you." 

"So you need to see me?" Dream questioned further. George hesitated, thinking about it for a bit. He had just spent who knows how many minutes lying on top of Dream with his eyes closed. That didn't seem to be a problem, though to be fair, he was able to open them at any time to ground himself if he felt the need. But he didn't. Not even once. 

"No, I think... I think if you just started with something smaller, or talked to me I would have been ok." He really hoped that made sense. He was still new to voicing out what was going on in his head, even though he had been working on it with Dream for some time now. 

"Ah." Said Dream as if in a moment of clarity. "So I just need to guide you into touch instead of throwing you into it? I can do that." 

"I... Yes. I think that's exactly it." How Dream made sense of something, he didn't know how to explain himself, was beyond him. He did that constantly, catching small things George said and weaving them together to form something understandable. Which for George, who could never fully comprehend what was going on inside his brain, was just simply mind-blowing. "I'm sorry I'm... difficult." 

"No, no, no, no, no." Said Dream in quick succession. "You are not difficult." He put emphasis on the last two words. "You have things that scare you because you aren't used to them or because you don't know how to deal with them yourself, and that's perfectly normal. I don't mind being mindful of them as long as I know what they are. And you communicate with me wonderfully, even though I know it is not easy on you."

"I'm trying, but it's only because you kept on reaching out to me. " He didn't feel like he deserved any credit here. "I brushed you off many times before. I didn't want to open up." He felt guilty about it now. Guilty in a different way than before. Before their talk when he agreed to let Dream stay by his side, the guilt he felt had more to do with the overwhelming feeling of being a nuisance. Now it was about not trusting Dream enough, about not letting him get through to him. 

"That's because you needed assurance that you can." Said Dream in a gentle tone. "You needed to believe that I care enough to not let you down. And it took a bit of time, that's true, but look where we are now. " George clenched his arms tighter around Dream. 

"How can you have such a good opinion about me?" He asked him, a bit of liquid gathering in his eyes. "I don't really understand, you take the worst parts of me and turn them completely around." Again and again, every time George uncovered something about himself, thinking it was dark or problematic, Dream would say something just like what he did right now, making it seem like nothing. 

"That's because you can't see yourself clearly." Dream said, leaving a small kiss on the top of his head. "But that's okay. Hopefully one day you will, and if not, I'll be there to do it for you." 

\---


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!

\---

"Good morning~." George heard before he felt arms wrap around his frame. 

"Good morning." He said back, yawning lightly and nuzzling into the other's body. It was a routine by now. Each morning Dream would wake up earlier (no surprises there, George really likes his sweet sleep), and walk to George's room to wake him up. It started with just soft-spoken words, then light shakes to his body, and now it's this; Dream crawling into the mattress with him to cuddle him before pulling him out of bed. 

George has been living with Dream for a month now, and it has been nothing short of amazing. It felt so comfortable to have Dream next to him during the majority of the day. Not a single moment was monotonous when they could just talk and share experiences. Even doing nothing was so much more meaningful with Dream next to him. Who would have thought that he would find each small moment important when he had someone to share it with. 

During the last 30 or so days he became accustomed to Dream's touches. He knew by now the size of his hands, the shape of his torso, the way his statue felt against his. He even found himself craving each touch, the need still not completely satisfied, he didn't think it would ever be, but not so desperate by now. He had found so many things in himself finding peace with Dream next to him. 

"Hi, Georgie." Said Dream, greeting him for the second time. "Are you up for breakfast?" He asked him. George could feel his breath on the side of his face.

"Hmm..." He hummed lightly, fluttering his eyes, the gentle smile on the other's face being the first thing he sees. "What's on the menu?" 

"I'm taking you out." Announced Dream, turning in bed and pulling George with himself so that he was now on top of him. George lifted himself up a bit, supporting himself on his palms laying against Dream's chest. In this position, he was able to count every little freckle on Dream's face, see the way his golden eyes sparkled in the morning light.

A few weeks ago he would be overwhelmed in such a position, but now it felt natural. He no longer found it weird to have Dream's face so close to his or have the need to hide in his chest while held this close. 

"For breakfast?" He questioned, surprised. Dream took him out fairly often, showing him his favorite places and sharing the food he liked, but it was usually either for lunch or dinner, a bit later in the day. He loved each and every one of those outings, learning about the food and places Dream enjoyed.

"Yep." Clay confirmed, popping the 'p'. "I found this place with amazing food on the internet and want to try it out with you." 

"Okay, sure. When do you want to leave?" Some fancy food for their first meal of the day felt really good. He enjoyed it when Dream took him places. Both ones he already knew, and new, which they could experience for the first time together. 

"As soon as you get ready." He said, pulling him closer so that he would fall back on his chest and tousling his hair a bit. 

"You'd have to let me go." He replied, his head squished under Dream's chin. Not that he was in any hurry to leave those arms. He was perfectly comfortable where he was. 

"You do point out a flaw in the plan." Said regretfully Dream before taking his arms off his frame. "Go." The word said with such unwillingness it made George giggle slightly before he rolled off Dream and stood up from his bed. 

"I'll try to be quick." He threw after himself as he walked to the bathroom to start his morning routine. 

\---

"You know, when you said you were going to take me somewhere for breakfast I didn't quite expect this." Said George as they sat at a picnic table in the park, waffles with ice cream and a multitude of toppings on the table. "Not that I'm complaining. " 

The day was kind of hot, the sun attacking them with its harsh rays, glaring in their eyes and making the air wiggle a little. George still wasn't used to the heat, having to use copious amounts of sunscreen every day to avoid being sunburnt. It was nice, having something cold to eat while hiding in the shadows of the trees. 

"Hmm." Hummed Dream. "I like surprising you." He grinned at him, pleased.

"You're good at it." George chimed in. "You constantly surprise me with your words or other little things. You always find a way to do something that I don't expect. " If the last month had taught him anything it was that life with Dream was definitely not filled with boredom. In every moment, even the most monotonous one, Clay always found a way to rock his world. 

"Is that a good thing?" Dream asked him.

"Yea. I like your surprises." He answered simply. They were always gentle and sweet. Like the kiss on the forehead from 5 nights ago, the morning he woke up in his bed after falling asleep on the couch, the small praises that seemed to come out of nowhere. 

He took another bite out of his waffle, some of the whipped cream getting stuck on top of his upper lip before he licked it off. He usually wasn't the type of person to eat something this sweet for the first meal of the day, but he supposed that every once in a while it won't kill him. 

"We should go to the beach again soon." He commented, closing his eyes to absorb some of the heat from around them, the slight breeze making the experience pleasant rather than unbearable. "I really enjoy it, whenever we actually go."

"Yea, I know that." Said Dream, a note of amusement in his voice. " You don't look sunburnt anymore, so perhaps we should. Either today in the evening or tomorrow. " That was true, the red marking on his face faded away by now, leaving a sprinkling of freckles behind. It was the first time he had freckles that were this noticeable and he kind of liked them. 

"You would want to go today?" He asked, opening up his eyes to look at Dream as he gave an answer. 

"Why not?" Dream said in return. "I don't think we have anything planned for today, so that's a good option." He smiled at him brightly. "Can't wait to throw you in the water again. You scream so nicely." 

George covered his face in embarrassment, turning away from facing Dream. The last time they'd gone to the beach when he'd hesitated to go into the water because of how cold it was, Dream had picked him up princess-style, walked with him into the deeper water, and tossed him between the waves. The high-pitched yell that left his mouth at the contact with the water embarrassed him for the rest of their stay.

Even more embarrassing was the fact that he didn't really put effort into fighting Dream off him, to break from the hold. He kind of really enjoyed the motion of being picked up and held against Dream's chest, but that wasn't something he was willing to admit to him just yet. Instead of responding, he busied himself with finishing up his waffle.

“You surprise me as well." Said Dream, shocking George, who was in the middle of a bite. He looked at Dream, meeting his gaze. 

"Me?" He questioned, confused. He rarely did anything that could be deemed unexpected. He knew he had a bad habit of sticking to things he believed safe. 

"Yes, you." Replied Dream. "For a person who struggles with anxiety, you don't even realize how brave you are and how confident you can be." George blushed at those words, dropping his gaze downwards. "I know it's not easy for you to recognize those traits in yourself, but I see them very clearly. " He caught George's chin with his knuckle, resting his thumb just below George's lips. He made him lift his face a bit, locking their eyes back together. " You have no idea how mesmerizing you are when you let those parts of you shine through. "

"They... They don't come out very often." He whispered. It was difficult to let himself be confident because it was something his brain associated with being hurt. For years it was a mantra his unconsciousness repeated to him time and time again, that he can't be confident, can't become comfortable, because it will only serve a bigger shock, hurt him more when he finally ends up losing what he cares about. 

"I would say that they do. Much more frequently than you would think." Dream also switched to whispering, his voice smooth, deep, and gentle. It was the type of voice that would make you confess to anything only to hear it speak one more time

"You make me want to be that." He admitted. "I don't think you understand how much you do for me. How much effect your words have. I've never... I've never felt so happy, so at ease. I've never let myself believe that I won't be left behind as time goes on, and yet here you are, and I know you won't leave. I have the utmost trust in you that you'll stay by my side, and it's new to me. To be so certain. To actually believe that you want me here." He desperately tried to convey his emotions, hoping they'll get through. 

Dream threw his arms around him, pulling him closer. He let himself be enveloped in the hug, perfectly happy to fit himself in those arms. 

"You see what I mean?" Said quietly Dream. "You surprise me every day with how honest you are. You open up to me, leaving nothing hidden, even when I know how afraid you were to do that because I've seen it. "

Was there really bravery in it though? 

"It's not difficult to be honest with you. " George said. "You made a lot of things easier. " George knew that he'll never be 'fixed'. That he'll always live worrying too much and overthinking every other thing. What he understood now was that he doesn't have to deal with that alone. It still was hard to remind himself that by doing so he wasn't being a bother or a nuisance, but he was getting there. In slow steps. 

"And that makes me so happy, Georgie." Dream squeezed him a bit. "You have no idea how much I wanted to be there for you. And the fact that I actually can. That I can give you support. That you let me hug you and comfort you and talk with me when something is wrong. You are not the only one that is the happiest they've ever been."

"I... really?" Asked George, his eyes open wide. "I can give you that?" He knew that Dream liked him. That he enjoyed having him around. But the fact that he could make Dream so genuinely happy. It was indescribable. 

"Of course you can." Said Dream, tenderly. "You should know it by now." He chuckled slightly. "By the way, I think the old lady behind you is staring at us quite intensionally." 

"Is that so?" He laughed. "That's fine. Let her." He couldn't be made to care even if he tried. Not right now. 

\---

Was it time to admit to himself that George was in love?

Never before had he felt for another person what was now filling his whole soul. He didn't have good, but he also didn't have a lot of experience when it came to love, so he felt like he was wandering blindly in the middle of nowhere, but maybe he was getting somewhere. 

To be honest, he wasn't sure what feelings for another person should look like to be called love. No one had ever defined it for him, given it a specific meaning. All he knew were words from books and movies that seemed too general for him, too ambivalent to catch the true meaning. 

Did he feel a little scared? Yes. Evidently. He was afraid that his feelings might not be reciprocated, but that was the least of his worries. He knew that even if he confessed his feelings and Dream rejected him, their friendship would survive through this, nothing would change. He was more frightened by the vision of losing the immense love that had accumulated in his heart. 

He knew that couples break up, that relationships end without leaving anything behind. And as much as it would hurt to be rejected or have his heart broken after the relationship had already begun, the worst thing for him would be if his own feelings were to disappear. Because they were something that gave him so much courage, so much strength. He couldn't imagine living one day without loving Clay. 

Truth be told, he hoped Dream felt the same way about him. He knew it wasn't unfounded, even if he couldn't quite convince himself of it. His doubts always got the better of him, but some part of him nevertheless seemed convinced that his feelings were not one-sided.

He had been walking around with these thoughts in his head for some time now. Not nurturing them, but letting them grow at their own pace. He didn't want to... he didn't want to define anything until he was sure. He knew himself and he knew that if he took this step too quickly he would get scared and run away. He realized that he had to tread very carefully so as not to kill what was growing inside him. 

And he was careful. Not just for his own sake, but for Clay's sake, who made every next step easier, illuminated gently the path George was trying to find himself on. 

It wasn't easy to let himself fall in love. Mostly because it didn't feel like it was something he should allow himself to do. And if you think about it, it made sense. Just a few months ago, he was convinced that everyone will eventually leave him. That at some point they will hate him if they didn't already. He made some progress since then, even if he still had a long way to go. The point was - it was difficult to let himself love someone when he felt as if his love would mean absolutely nothing no matter what.

And now it had the potential of meaning something, of being real and recognized and being cared for and nurtured. And it was so new it was frightening. He still didn't know how to process these new feelings and emotions. How to deal with them in a way that wouldn't consume him entirely. 

But perhaps it was time. He was in love. And it was deep and warm and everything he thought he would never have. That he wouldn't allow himself. Who would have thought, huh? And it went so quick as well. From the moment he decided to let himself have faith and trust in Dream to the moment he developed such deep feelings for him. 

Dream, who was so sweet to him. Who always knew what to say and what to do. Who would compliment him and only see the best in who he was. Who's touch made him feel so weak but also so safe and strong. He couldn't imagine not having this. 

He should confess, right? He truly wanted to believe that Dream felt the same, that this love was mutual. He knew he was special to him at the very least. He knew that Dream treated him differently, the way he would look at him, smile at him, touch him. And it was still hard to convince himself that he wasn't just imagining things. That it wasn't just in his head because he wanted it to be true. 

But it was true. Dream said he loved him constantly, even if it could be interpreted in only a friendly way. But it wasn't. There always were so many emotions in those words and it could be something he was hearing only because he wanted to. So he should... he should say it back.

How hard could it be? It's only three little words. And maybe saying them when you actually mean them with all of your heart is slightly more terrifying, but he ought to be able to do that. Dream made him want to say them out loud. He will find strength in the right moment. 

That right moment just had to come. 

\---

"Hi, Sapnap."

"Hi, George. How are you doing? Is Dream busy?" Sapnap asked him through the phone. George was currently just relaxing in his room, taking a break before he and Dream were supposed to go out again.

"Yeah. He's just editing some Youtube videos." He replied. " I'm fine. Dream and I are planning to go to the beach soon." He mentioned their plans. He smiled to himself at the prospect. 

"Cool..." Sapnap responded. " Thinking about it, how long have you actually been in Florida?" He asked him, his voice genuinely curious.

"About a month." 

"Already a month? Time goes by fast. Do you miss England yet?" George didn't have to think about it too much.

"No, you know, somehow not particularly. " He replied. "I like living with Dream." Of course there were small things that he missed, but they mostly had to do with being familiar with the place he lived in. He was away from his family, but while they were on good terms with them he never had that strong of a bond with his parents, so it didn't feel like he was missing out that much. They still talked every once in a while, exchanging quick pieces of information about what's happening in their lives.

"Oh, really? Are you thinking of moving in permanently? I know for sure Dream would have nothing against it. " That was an interesting question and even more interesting follow-up. Could he move in permanently? Whether he would want to wasn't really a question, but would it be something he actually could consider?

"How can you know for sure?"

"Dude, he talks about you constantly. What you did together and how wonderful it is, having you with him and all that jabber." He said. "Honestly, it's kind of sickening." 

"Is that so?" He asked, blushing. He could feel a warmth appear in his chest and spread throughout his whole body. Dream talked about him a lot? Telling other people how happy he was having George with him? "Well, I haven't really thought about it just yet, but maybe I will."

"You should. Dream would be ecstatic." He sounded so certain.

"You know, you tell me a lot of things like that. " He observed. Sapnap was one of the main reasons why he decided to give himself a chance, to take a leap of faith in showing Dream his more difficult parts. "Like that time you told me he was worried about me and I should talk to him." 

"It was a good advice."

"It was. " He wanted to ask why but refrained himself. "Do you think it would be a good idea?" He asked instead. "To move in permanently?" Even if Dream liked having him here during the last month wouldn't it get too much if he stayed for much longer? Wouldn't he become a burden? No. Stop. He wasn't supposed to be thinking like that. He knows Dream was very appreciative of him and he told George repeatedly that there was no way for him to become a nuisance. He just has to remember that. 

"Well... Do you like living together with Dream?" He asked as if he already knew the answer, and honesty, he did. There was no way he didn't since George literally admitted to it just a minute ago. 

"I do. I really do."

"Then why not? You could at least bring it up or something. As I said, I think Dream would be happy to have you. " He said, pleased with himself.

"It wouldn't be easy. " He mentioned. "To get a permanent visa. " If he wanted to stay forever he would have to apply for a green card and that truly wasn't an easy process. He had the money to make it go a little quicker, but he wasn't sure how much that would help. 

"Just get married, dude. If you beg enough, Dream will have to say yes eventually." George snorted.

"I'm sure." He responded, his voice filled with irony. 

"Jokes aside, I think it would be good for you to stay in Florida. This is the happiest I've ever seen you. Both of you. " The words surprised George. He knew he was happier, that much was obvious, but he didn't think it would be noticeable to Sapnap. Even more, though, Dream was noticeably happier as well? 

"I... I guess. It's just easy to be happy here." 

"Yea, I can tell. You opened up a lot." That surprised him even more.

"Huh? Really? " 

"Yea, you talk more and express yourself more. I haven't really noticed before how reserved you were because that's how you've always behaved. But now I look back and can tell that something used to hold you back that's not there anymore." That... that was one way to say it, but it was absolutely true. Well, almost. The thing that was holding him back was still in him, not any less powerful, but he now had the strength and support to fight it.

"I mean... I know I started talking to Dream a lot more. He... He helped me realize some things. But I didn't think... I didn't really notice that so much of me has changed." 

"Not so much changed as started showing through. I'm glad for it though."

"Yea. I'm glad too." He replied, a gentle smile on his face. 

"Just invite me to the wedding once you settle on it." Joked Sapnap making George laugh.

"Don't worry." He said back, still giggling slightly. "We won't forget about you."

\---

The waves were crashing on the shore accompanied by the gentle sound of the sea. George was lying on a blanket, hidden in the shade of an umbrella and absorbing the atmosphere. His skin tingled gently under the influence of gentle gusts of wind. He breathed deeply, enjoying the serenity of the space around him. The rays of the sun fell on an angle, slowly heralding the sunset.

Dream lay on his left side, their hands touching gently. Every once in a while, Dream muscled the back of George's hand, painting pictures on it. Their fingers latched onto each other, almost in an embrace, so close to intertwining. He was pleasantly tired, the hours spent in the water, chasing each other and just messing around taking a slight toll on him. He felt so close to falling asleep, but his consciousness was still present, holding onto reality with his senses. It was as if his body was already asleep, but his mind was still free from the grasp of sleep. 

Today was a fruitful day. He had a lot of things to think about and consider and define and a lot of conclusions to be made. For once in his life, he actually enjoyed it. The process of thinking about things that were happening. It didn't paralyze him, didn't make him feel stuck. He was... somewhat excited to be moving forward, to understand what was going on in his head. He felt he could face whatever his own mind threw at him.

"You know, I really like this." He whispered to Dream, not opening up his eyes. He felt the need to give a bit of himself more, to let Dream know everything he was thinking.

"The beach?" Dream asked, also whispering, them being close enough to hear each other clearly through the sounds of the ocean. 

"All of it." He said back. "The beach, the waffles we had this morning, the way the sun rays burn you in Florida, our unending conversations, how you hug me each morning, how I have you near me." He continued, letting everything he could think of spill from his lips. "All of it."

"Hmm..." Hummed Dream quietly. "Our long walks, the comfort of silence between us, the way you smile at me, how your eyes sparkle each time our sights cross, being able to do this." He said, finally taking George's hand in his and squeezing it lightly. "How you trust me with yourself, the way you hold onto me each time I embrace you. All of it. All of you."

That wasn't fair. George was supposed to be the one making all of those confessions. Dream just had to outdo him. There was no way for him to take back the lead, so instead he said something different. 

"I talked to Sapnap today." He said, seemingly changing the subject. He would get round to what he wanted to say.

"While I was editing?" Dream questioned.

"Yea. We were talking about how I've been here already for a month." He mentioned. 

"One-third of our time together." Dream sighed. "It went by so fast."

"That's exactly what he said as well." Replied George. "He said... he said I seem happier now. When I'm in Florida. And that you do as well." He listened carefully for Dream's response.

"Well, I guess it's hard not to notice." Replied Clay, nonchalantly as if perfectly aware of what were the things and instances Sapnap was referencing when he said they both seemed more pleased. "I know for sure I'm much happier. And you are much more radiant as well. You no longer hide so much. "

"Yea, I know I don't hide from you." He said, shyly, putting an emphasis on the last word. "But I didn't realize I was doing it with everyone. That other people would notice." 

"Oh, no, you are much more open in general. " Said Dream. "It's in the small things when you interact with others, but it's definitely there."

"Is that so." He articulated slowly. It was weird for him to hear that he was opening up to people without even realizing it. That the act of being more authentic was something he could do unconsciously. "But, you know... " He started, trying to bring up the real thing he wanted to talk about. "I was thinking that since I kind of like it here. And... and you like having me here too. T-That maybe we could treat these three months as a test run? Maybe?" He stuttered a little.

He was nervous that Dream would say no, or that he would say yes, but wouldn't genuinely mean it. If he were to do this he wanted to be wanted. He needed to be wanted. He knows that Dream tried to persuade him to stay for six months rather than the three they settled on, but still. Half a year and possibly forever were quite the difference. 

He could feel Dream move and opened his eyes to see him staring down at him, his face a mere couple of inches from his. 

"Really?" Dream asked breathlessly, an excited grin stretching across his face. "You would move in with me?"

"Yes." He replied simply. "If you wanted me to." Dream practically flopped down on him, his whole weight hitting George suddenly and making him lose his breath. The hand that was holding his now finding its way under his back to envelop him in a tight embrace. It was difficult for his lungs to expand fully, but he didn't protest and let himself be positioned in a firm grasp. 

Dream squeezed him, pulling him impossibly closer to the point it almost hurt, before moving a couple of inches away to wrap George's face between his palms and kiss him on his cheeks repeatedly. George could feel himself become red up to the very tip of his ears and down his neck. A part of him wanted to move his head a little to the side to catch one of the quick pecks with his lips. He refrained, for now, letting Dream kiss his face until he was satisfied. His own arms wrapped around Clay's waist.

It seemed he had nothing to worry about. That Sapnap was right in saying that Dream would be elated to have him. He didn't understand how Sapnap just knew things that he wasn't sure of himself when in theory, he should be the one with a better understanding of the relationship between him and Dream. 

"I'm gonna make you so happy." Said Dream, the words making the entire world around George spin on its axis. He almost didn't hear them, the sentence spoken in such a soft and quiet tone it made it difficult to catch it. He felt nearly faint, his heartbeat pulsing throughout his whole body. 

As Dream left another small kiss right next to his lips he felt himself become speechless, his throat drying out and unable to produce any sound. He kept his eyes interlocked with Dream's as the other rested his forehead against his, only one thought echoing in his head. _So close._ He found himself unable to fully process what was going on around him, all of his senses hyper fixated on having Dream this close. 

He longed for their lips to meet. It felt almost as if he was being teased, the prospect of it dangling so close to his very eyes. They were in public, he knew that at the back of his head. They were currently laying down on a blanket unfolded on a beach and while there weren't that many people around them at this hour, they weren't alone. Did that matter, though? Did that make any difference? 

The playful spark in Dream's eyes slowly disappeared to be replaced by something much more tender. The golden orbs seemed to search for something, looking for clues in George's face. 

"Is this it?" Dream whispered to him gently. "Are you mine now?" A breath got caught in George's throat. 

"Please." He managed to somehow say out loud, the word, for some reason, seeming the most appropriate at that moment. The triumph that painted itself on Clay's face was almost impossible to describe. His whole face lighted up, and the next thing George knew was the feeling of Dream's lips crushing against his. 

It was... It was something completely otherworldly. He felt electricity flow through his bloodstream as he was kissed so passionately but at the same time so gently it made everything around them disappear. All he knew were the hands caressing his skin, making every square inch of it tingle, and the lips moving against his. He didn't think it could feel like this. So overwhelming and yet not entirely enough. 

Dream ended the kiss, putting a couple of inches of space between them. It was neither time nor space to take it any further. George desperately tried to catch his breath, it being taken away not by the fierceness of the kiss, but by its depth. 

"Can I hear it?" Dream asked him. 

"I-I'm yours?" He stuttered, questioningly, not sure if this was what the other wanted. Dream lowered himself once more, giving him a gentle peck before positioning his lips close to George's ear and whispering in a deep voice that made George tremble.

"How about an 'I love you'?"

"I-I-I..." He felt himself getting stuck. He swallowed his saliva before taking a deep breath and trying once more. "I love you." Came out of his lips smoothly.

"Good job." Praised him Dream. "I love you too." He said with the usual ease. George wondered when was the first time Dream said those three words to him and actually meant them. "Now let me take you home so I can kiss you some more. Tomorrow we can start looking at the ways to get you a green card. "

"Already?" George questioned.

"The faster we start, the shorter I will have to go without you by my side." Dream said back. "I hope you understand I'm not letting you go."

"Yes, I... Please hold on to me." He pleaded shyly. The look on Dream's face became even gentler. 

"Don't worry. If you let me I'll have you forever." He said, each word filled with so many emotions George could and couldn't name. 

"It's a promise then." He whispered back, leaving another kiss against Dream's lips. Forever seemed fair enough. 

\---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! :)
> 
> If you came this far I want to thank you for reading and special thanks to those, who left a comment. (Please do leave one, it means the world to me.)  
> I'm marking this story as finished for now but could be persuaded to add another chapter with a little more of their relationship as boyfriends. 
> 
> This started as something I really wanted to write, with the feelings of not being enough or not being able to allow yourself to be loved, and while I am aware that this short of a story couldn't possibly manage to capture the complexity of those feelings I hope you still found some comfort in it and with the way George progresses. 
> 
> If you want another chapter, or maybe even have suggestions for it, don't forget to leave a comment.


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